I think about my attraction to butches and it’s not the fact that I’m attracted to the male form. What’s attractive about a butch lesbian is that as a woman they claim that power to redefine femininity. Parang, “Babae ako, pero magbibihis ako kung anong gusto ko. Kikilos ako kung anong gusto ko. And every day na nabubuhay sila, that’s a statement. Lumalabas ka na sinasabi mo sa mundo, “Ay hindi ako susunod sa standards ninyo. Magbibihis ako the way I want, magsasalita ako, bubukaka ako kung gusto kong bumukaka, hindi ako magpapa-intimidate sa lalake.” I think that’s the part that’s very attractive. Kasi gusto ko maging ganon ako. I want to be a strong woman too. (31:05)
I thought gusto ng mga lesbians maging lalake. So nung tinanong ko (yung asawa ko), akala ko, feeling niya, lalake siya. Kasi kahit nga soft butch siya, mukha siyang lalake. So in-explain niya sa akin yun, na “No, babae ako. Mahal ko yung pagiging babae ko. Kahit na ganito yung itsura ko, kahit na magdamit ako na panlalaki, bumukaka ako, o maglaro ako ng basketball, or lahat ng galaw ng lalake, babae ako. Mahal ko yung pagkababae ko.” (32:45)
It gets better, and when you get a job, mas independent ka na, mas malakas na yung loob mo, mas mapapinindigan mo na lahat. (53:03)
Once you realize the difference in how one woman touches another woman, and how that woman receives the touch of another woman, then maybe you’ll understand. To me, it’s always been really magical. It’s so special and so rare and so beautiful. (56:06)
If you’re a woman dating another woman, it’s not for the faint of heart. You’re two complex creatures trying to be with each other. There’s so much non-verbal communication, there’s so much verbal communication, there’s so many things to unpack, to unravel, hindi mo maiiwasan in a way that you can in traditional relationships where you can just fall back into gender roles. (57:40)
It’s inevitable na kailangan mong ungkatin yung sarili mong issues and to resolve so many things.
If you’re going to start dating a woman and just start comparing her to a guy, and then sasabihin mo lang na dapat magpakalalake ka, or treat me like you’re a guy, mag-date ka na lang ng guy. Because that woman, kahit ano pa yung bihis niya, kahit ano pa yung asta niya, hindi siya magiging lalake, and hopefully she doesn’t want to be if she identifies as a woman, di ba? So don’t expect that of her. Kasi andaming lalakeng andyan na nakapila sa iyo. Pumili ka ng lalake. If you’re just going to force this woman to be a man, just date a man. Don’t waste that woman’s time. Kahit na sabihin niya na no, I’m willing to do this, I’m willing to take the place, it’s not gonna happen. Please, just let that person go kung pipilitin mo lang siyang maging guy. (58:33)
You have no business na makipagrelasyon ka sa kapwa mo babae if you don’t understand or want to understand how unique the love between two women is. It’s so special, it’s a gift and a blessing to both of you, you will learn so much from each other about yourselves, it’s going to change your life, and also it will completely break you. It will completely devastate you, you will hurt each other. Don’t underestimate the change that a woman can make in your life. (59:30)
When you’re in a relationship, andun naman yung love. Pero natutunan ko that love is really not enough. For me ang pinaka-importante ay ang honesty…and don’t forget to thank each other every day kahit na sa maliliit na bagay. Communication is key.